Baby Got Back(packs)
Chicago, IL
Hypothetically……. how would someone go about packing one bag for a full year?
Asking for a friend.
Seriously though, how the heck do you FIT EVERYTHING YOU NEED INTO ONE 55L BAG?! I don’t get it. I do not get it.
I’ve spent the past two weeks trying to figure out how Mary Poppins fit a 6’ hat stand AND a stained-glass lamp in her carpet bag………because those are the kind of options I want. Shouldn’t I have options? And backups? And backups to backups just in case an unruly soy sauce packet explodes on my shirt after I try to bite it open?
I know there are expert travelers out there who pack one tube sock, chapstick and a turtleneck and are good to GO in any terrain, but I’m not them. Regardless of my destination OR the length of my stay, my checked baggage *always* comes in at exactly 49.5 pounds. Four-day work trip to Toronto? 49.5 pounds. Two-week vacation in Idaho? 49.5 pounds. Overnight stay in Milwaukee? Hard to do, but yes, 49.5 pounds.
What the heck is IN there?! I don’t know……. three pairs of sweatpants, a board game, and a pirate hat? The point is I’m not great at packing. After about ten years of CONSTANT travel and at least one vacation a month, you’d think I would have learned by now. You’d think I’d end the charade of bringing 8 workouts’ worth of workout clothes because we allllllll know I’m not stepping foot in that hotel gym.
To state the obvious, I’m going to need a LOT of luck in this pack job. Especially considering every fiber in my body wants to fill my bag with costumes, props, and Portillos. FACT: Oprah’s love for bread is equal to my love for costumes (and bread). I’m legit distressed at the thought of wandering the world without the appropriate costume changes. My backpack not facilitating anything other than ‘the essentials’ is the most upsetting news I’ve heard since Arie became the new Bachelor.
(That said, I can’t buh-LIEVE that I’m missing the 22nd installment of the franchise. Bachelor Nation – please keep me up to date on all the happenings contestants that get blackout drunk and wipe out in high heels. That pre-season crying montage hooked me, per uje, and I need to find out if Arie is still hung up on Emily or if he’ll be able to open his heart to love. ALSO, will they ever reveal what he wrote in that journal from six years ago?! The intrigue! The suspense! The final rose! Will it go to Lauren B, Lauren J, Lauren S, or Lauren G?! I need to know.)
Anywho, in an ideal world, I could pack what I WANTED to pack:
‘What if you run out of mustache glue?’ ‘Is that the Auryn pendant from The NeverEnding Story?’ ‘What shoes did you wear TO the bowling alley?’
And I know what you’re thinking. ‘Wow! That looks like it took a long time to organize neatly on the carpet!’ Did I mention I’m unemployed? Leave me alone. I don’t have time to shower or change my hoodie, but I DO have time to host a thingamabobs fashion show in my hallway. NO Ariel, you can’t have any. Back away. You’ve already got 20, HOARDER.
Moral of the story: I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never done anything like this before…… but it can’t be THAT much harder than folding a fitted sheet. You start somewhere, and you try your best. I’ve spent half of my adult life on the road, so I’ll figure it out as I go.
I WILL say the research I’ve done thus far is PUMPING. ME. UP. I got my brand new jumbo passport (with 2x the blank pages for extra visas); I completed an online course for my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificate; and I’ve got some great things in store for you (and for me) throughout the entire year. Rest assured, I’m seeking out a good mix of opportunities. For example, I almosttttt pulled the trigger on a ‘goat sitting’ ad in eastern Switzerland……. but, sadly, they weren’t accepting anyone for next summer.
Room and board to goatsit 4 pack goats for 1 HOUR A DAY? I think that’s a fair trade. Also, I desperately wanted to figure out (through trial and error) the best way to entertain goats.
you know…. for my resume
I’ve booked hostels with ‘the best local breakfast in town’; I’ve made sure to request ‘private beds’ everywhere I go; and I’ve collected invaluable bits of information on each website I visit. Like, did you know that floss can slice through an umbilical cord if you’re in a pinch? Or adding ‘?.jpg’ to the end of URLs allows you to hack airport wi-fi for free? Did you know that tooth powder and shampoo bars were a thing? Do I need those? Should I buy them? Does it matter?
All in all, I think this whole ‘travel freedom’ thing is inCREDibly weird:
- I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself, and
- No one is second guessing anything I’m doing
I’m over here snatching up one-way flights like a crazy person, looking over my shoulder wondering why someone isn’t stopping me. I ALMOST APPLIED TO GOATSIT FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. Someone should probably be supervising this.
Speaking of all of you……. thank you thank you THANK YOU for being so very supportive and wonderful throughout this whole planning process. I’ve been touched by an OUTpouring of love & encouragement and I couldn’t be more grateful. Thanks for all the calls and texts and messages and special shout out to my Chicago crew for an unforgettable sendoff. Not only did they deliver the ‘one last epic dance party’ that I requested……… they set up an impromptu lap dance parade when Pony by Ginuwine came on.
Thanks for the memories that make me laugh out loud……. and thanks for the best lap dances of my life.
I hated every minute of it.
You go girl! You know, us old folk live through our kids’ adventures.
It will be a blast living through yours!
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
thanks for the prayer Aunt Mike! 😘
From one habitual overpacker to another you are an inspiration. If you figure this out you can make millions retraining those of us that are lost without a travel trunk!
if i can whip myself into shape, i will GLADLY share the wealth!
Packing tips 101 –
Roll clothes instead of folding. Supposedly they are less wrinkled. – not sure I believe that
Put socks, undies and sundries inside shoes and nooks and crannies in the bag.
Limit color options for clothes. Leave the purple bermuda shorts nd orange button down at home.
Leave your CFM pumps at home! You don’t need em.
Remember to bring your bear whistle, matches, flint, compass, bowie knife and fishing line. Oh, nevermind, your not Survivor!
Yhis blog makes me feel like I’m going on this adventure with you. Ooh, I’m so excited!!
but i LOVE my bright orange button down!
I’m bummed you can’t goat sit and since when is Arie the new bachelor?!!! (I saw him at the Indy 500 with that terrible girl who won with the wine guy??)
I LOVE reading this! I do have connections around, some in Thailand your first stop, if you would like me to set you up on Facebook.
This is going to be an amazing year!!
guuuuurl ABC just had an hour long special reintroducing arie to the public because no one remembered who he was. lol and yes! hit me up if your connections know about KOH PHANGAN cuz i’ll be there for pretty much the whole month. 🙂
But seriously, what shoes did you leave behind at the bowling alley?! I’m so proud of you pal and I’m so excited that you’re following your dreams 😘. Can’t wait for these weekly post.
let’s just say the bowling alley attendants are walking around in STYLE. hah 🙂
I laughed out loud so many times. I am totally picturing you trying to “entertain goats.” And I am also dying to know about what a arie may have written in that journal🤣
it would be pretty similar to kristin’s bachelorette party video i’d imagine…….i need your jersey and wig. lol
Packing was one of the first things I thought of, how. Do. You. Do. That? I am far from adequate. How do you know what the weather is going to be every day in a year, in several countries? Buy stuff there, maybe, I don’t know.
There’s a airplane neck pillow that also has a hoodie attached to it. I feel like you can get a variety of uses from it in your adventures. Put the hoodie part up when you want people to stop talking to you, block yourself from undesirable smellls, turn the hood around and inside out and use it as a chip bowl, or just protect yourself from those bugs…
Your pile on the carpet looks good to me. Maybe add some socks, yoga pants and a hoodie and good to go.
i like this chip bowl idea. tell me more.
I am so bummed your not watching the goats. How do you entertain goats? I picture you dancing with them.
Girl – you totally need to bring Artreyu’s necklace. He got himself in sticky situations and all I am saying he was wearing that necklace and he got out of the quicksand (or was that Princess Bride? ). Also mustache and machete- it’s skinny could fit in side of suitcase (or get confiscated at any airport……hmmmm).
If I was some sketch person and if you managed said machete + mustache combo= I wouldn’t try to mess with you.
But, don’t forget Kleenex in each coat pocket!
I love you.
ps another idea- perhaps a little figurine- you can do prop poses that won’t take too much room- i can priority mail – my little pony or pokemon figurine or lego guy? troll?
i can bring back my halloween costume ‘mache-TAY’! 😂
You would be impressed/flattered/disturbed with how many times we’ve discussed, “what we will do for Fantasy Bachelor without our fearless leader?!” Adam is VERY concerned that you’re going to miss the entire season and have to catch up in one binge sessions upon your return to the states (which he’s hoping is under our roof). Plus, who will Uncle Tom have to feed him the latest Bach gossip and tissues for the breakdowns (Ahem, the loss of PETER 😭).
But really, Goat Sitter? Let me pack my bags. I’ll meet ya in the Alps. This sounds like the best gig this side of the North Pole. I’m pretty sure you could have those goats playing Jenga in no time.
I have two packing rules I’ve found useful… 1) If you haven’t worn it in the last 3-6 months, do not take it with you. Just take your favorite items. You know, the ones you wash as soon as you dirty them off so you can wear them again, those. 2) take enough clean underwear and socks to last a week. Enough said.
We use pack-it cubes and the roll technique for a while now, it seems to help. But really, GOOD LUCK! Packing is hard. Hope we can FaceTime you in the next two weeks before you leave. Much love from the both of us. XX
a.) what is a packing cube.
b.) please conference me into your viewing parties each week. alTHOUGH, a binge sesh in sacramento sounds phenomenal.
Don’t second guess it, just bring the denim hat.
it’s a bold move. maybe a little dangerous….. potentially inspired.
I realized I clearly missed this post, so I decided to read it when I got to work early today..
I cackled so many times everyone is simultaneously jealous and worried about my joy.
I miss ya and want to goat sit with you. 🙂
i would love nothing more than to goat sit with you. 😘😘